(…wait, a what?)
Zombocaphobiac [Zom-bak-uh-foh-bee-ack] n. 1. an individual with a persistent, irrational fear of an end of the world scenario involving mobile brain consuming undead hordes.
When Vu and I were single and going to social activities, meeting new people and making new friends, Vu loved to learn about the professions and skills of our new acquaintances. He would often exclaim in the middle of a conversation “You can be on my Zombocalypse survival team”. For Vu that was a term of high praise. In his eyes, you had made it. In fact, he would even seek out certain positions for this hypothetical team. He never did find a doctor (In case you were wondering my contribution to the team is pretty much nil so I am getting a free ride). What most of our friends don’t realize, is that he was completely serious.
After we were married, I was working at the hospital and for one of our first weekly family nights, we “created” emergency routes that I would use to walk from the hospital to our apartment. And when I say we “created” them, I mean we printed off 3 different maps of the whole area from hospital to apartment and highlighted which roads I would walk home on in case of an emergency, including second and third alternate routes, just in case there was a “herd” that created a zombie roadblock on the first route. And the second. Then we made copies of each map and kept one set in my car, one in Vu’s car, and one at home. This way if Vu came looking for me when the world was ending, he would know which route I would be taking. We also packed a hiking backpack full of necessities, such as water bottles, rain ponchos, flashlight and batteries, thermal blankets, non perishable food, and an extra pair of clothing. He even did a bunch of research looking for good quality water proof rain/snow boots for me and after we bought them, he wanted me to wear them at work at the hospital to break them in (I refused this one). These all went into my car. Now before you start thinking that he is just a few essentials short upstairs (or maybe it is too late), let me explain.
Vu loves to learn about everything and has a need to have an extremely deep understanding of all topics in which he is interested in. He loves action packed end of the world type TV shows. And he loves to be prepared.
When I say that he loves to learn about things, I mean, he is constantly reading papers and articles on every topic, from Israeli election politics to Hadron Collider discoveries to medical nano technology applications. You know, real simple stuff. So he reads a real article about a insect infesting virus leading to a comatose like state that induces the insect to eat the brains of his compatriots. Later he watches “The Walking Dead”. And then the prepared personality trait kicks in. And we are organizing 72 hour kits.
So now you may be thinking, “Maybe she is a little bit cray cray too” because I am supporting his obsession/delusion/hysteria… so again, let me explain.
In our church we have always had a strong focus on being prepared for any kind of emergency, a philosophy which I have always whole heartedly embraced. I mean, you never know what is going to happen. They may never have mentioned the possibility of a brain devouring corpse, but the underlying preparation principles are the same: you are going to want food, water, heat, medical supplies and durable, purposeful cloths (side note: The CDC shared their own Zombocalypse survival recommendations here). So do we have a space heater, many bottles of kerosene gas and shelves of canned food in our “Harry Potter closet”? Yes. Am I afraid that someday I am going to be using it as I barricade myself in our house from an onslaught of cranial craving hoards? Not so much. But it will come in useful when a freak wind storm knocks out the power for a week or a crazy ice storm makes the hilly roads un-traversable. (Both of which have happened since I moved here). And that is why I support my Zombocaphobiac husband’s preparations. Vu isn’t really crazy, he just likes to be well informed, careful and prepared. I mean if we are prepared for zombie’s we are definitely prepared for most natural disasters!
P.S. “I’m not crazy! My mother had me tested!”
P.P.S. Vu insisted I share this study from Cornell University.
One thought on “So I Married A… Zombocaphobiac”
Becky, I don’t think you are crazy, but Vu might be